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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?